Hey, Digital Diners!

You’re sitting down to the Hodl Report, where we serve up the freshest, juiciest crypto content - hot, tasty and with a side of meme sauce! 🌮♨️

On the menu this week:

• Macro update 🌎

• Important headlines from the week 📰

• Introducing the Hodl Report portfolio 📊

• Magnificent memes 🤣

Had a tough week? Need some inspiration? Just check out Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang - this guy’s been working so hard, even his coffee needs coffee. ☕☕

Welcome to another week in the rollercoaster world of crypto - where the experts are always "99% certain" about the future... and 100% wrong. Remember that recession everyone swore was coming in 2023? Still waiting on that one like we’re waiting for Bitcoin to break $100k. 🥱

Nvidia dropped their earnings this week, and let’s just say they crushed it like a GPU mining crypto in 2017! Meanwhile, the Wealth Report dropped fresh stats on crypto users and their wealth, and spoiler alert: it’s looking pretty inspiring. Check out the highlights from the same time 1 year ago:

• 172,000 crypto millionaires (up 95%)

• 325 crypto centi-millionaires (up 79%)

• 28 crypto billionaires (up 27&)

• Total crypto users up 32% to 560 million

Despite all this, the market’s feeling as gloomy as a Monday morning without coffee, and crypto prices are falling faster than my New Year’s resolutions. 📉

With earnings season mostly done, all eyes are on the next potential big market mover: the upcoming Presidential Debate between Harris and Trump, tentatively set for September 10th. The hopes of Kamala embracing crypto seem to be going in reverse, while Trump is doubling down like he’s at a casino in Vegas. Check out the summary of Trump’s crypto promises straight from the horse’s mouth. 🐴

And speaking of promises, nearly $1 billion is being bet on this election outcome on Polymarket alone. 📊

Meanwhile, as traditional markets cheer over decent inflation and jobs data, crypto continues to slowly bleed out. Bitcoin dips, and altcoins dip further, like when you pull that one Jenga piece, and the whole tower comes crashing down. 💥

Understanding the macro economy is like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle in the dark - plenty of pieces, but no clear picture. Even with all the indicators, predicting market moves is a guessing game at best. The only thing we know for sure? Nobody really knows anything for sure. 🤷‍♂️

So, what do we really know about crypto projects and their mysterious founders? Not much - and what we do know often raises more eyebrows than confidence. 😬

So, why are we still here? Besides believing this tech is the future, the short answer is… the gainz, baby! 🚀 

In the short term, we’re bracing for a dip in September - possibly down to the low $50k range. But fear not! We see a bounce back above $60k and above in October and beyond. That’s just the short-term forecast, though. Zoom out, see the bigger picture, and remember: Hodl for the long term!

Don’t forget that long term, Van Eck predicts Bitcoin at $2.9m per coin in 2050 and more importantly (and reliably of course), ex NBA all star Scottie Pippen just recently had a dream…🤣

1. Mastercard Launches Crypto Debit Card: In partnership with Mercuryo, Mastercard launches a Euro-denominated debit card allowing users to spend crypto from self-custodial wallets at over 100 million merchants worldwide. Fees include a $1.80 issuance and a $1.00/month charge and a 0.95% crypto off ramping fee.

2. Trump Taps Musk to Lead Efficiency Commission: Donald Trump announced plans to form a government efficiency commission, with Elon Musk potentially at the helm, if elected. Elon is looking forward to the challenge.

3. 90k Employees on Crypto Payroll: After 10 years, Bitwage now serves over 4,500 companies and 90,000 users, processing over $400 million in crypto payroll transactions this year. With growing demand for Bitcoin salaries, Bitwage continues to offer an efficient alternative to traditional payroll systems.

4. North Korea to Take Aim at Crypto ETFs: The FBI warns that North Korea is aggressively targeting crypto ETF providers with sophisticated social engineering attacks to steal funds. The agency highlights complex tactics and urges firms to enhance cybersecurity measures to protect against these persistent threats.

5. Blockstream Launches Bitcoin Mining Token: Blockstream has released its third series of the BMN2 token, offering non-U.S. investors exposure to Bitcoin mining with 1 petahash per second (PH/s) of hash rate per token. The token, compliant with EU regulations, allows investors to earn Bitcoin returns, building on the success of its first series that delivered a 32% return.

6. Tokenized Treasuries Hit $2 Billion Milestone: Tokenized Treasury notes have surpassed $2 billion in market cap, doubling in less than five months, driven by BlackRock's BUIDL fund and other issuers. These digital assets, backed 1:1 by U.S. T-bills, offer crypto traders the chance to diversify and earn Treasury yields while maintaining blockchain liquidity and trading flexibility.

Introducing…

Hodl Report Portfolio

Ten newsletters in, and it’s time to put our money where our mouth is! Welcome to our new weekly trading section, where you can follow along with every move we make - wins, losses, and everything in between.

Here’s how it works:

1. We’re starting with $10k in USDC on KuCoin and Uniswap, and we’ll share each trade - entry, exit, take profit points, and why we’re making them.

2. Think of it like “Trading with Friends,” but swap out board games for blockchain - less dice-rolling, more dicey investments! 🎲

3. Each week, we’ll give a quick recap of our trades, show you how our portfolio’s doing, and yes, celebrate (or cry) together. 🥂😭

And now, onto our first trade! Timing couldn’t be better; September’s shaping up to offer some juicy deals. This week’s pick has both fundamentals and pumpamentals (because in crypto, you need a little bit of both!). Think of fundamentals as your safety net if things go sideways, and pumpamentals as the hype train that keeps things moving. 🚂💨

This week our trade will be:

We plan to:

• Spend $5k to buy Solana (50% of our stack)

• Buy at a price between $122-$126 per SOL

• Currently trading at $126.8 (we better get ready!)

• Plan to sell some for profits when price reaches $150 (about 20% return). Guessing this will take 30-60 days.

What makes us qualified to trade like this? Well… absolutely nothing! 🤷‍♂️ So, yeah, DYOR and remember this isn’t trading advice. That said, we’ve been in the crypto trenches for 8 years now, riding through 2 bull markets (2017 & 2021) and surviving 2 bear markets (2018 & 2022). We’ve seen it all - scams, dumps, and moonshots. We've got the scars to prove it, and we’re battle-hardened and ready to take on the next bull run like a seasoned gladiator in the crypto arena!

We’re putting our own skin in the game.

Ready to follow along? Let’s see where this ride takes us! 🚀

Big thanks for making it to the end of this week’s Hodl Report! 👊

If you enjoyed the ride, had a good laugh or learned a thing or two, feel free to share the love! Just copy/paste this link over to anyone:

HodlReport.com/Subscribe

The more, the merrier - because who doesn’t love a bigger party? 🥳

Happy Friday!

Disclaimer: The content from Hodl Report should not be taken as trading, investment or financial advice or solicitation to buy or sell any assets. This newsletter is for informational and educational purposes only. Please be careful out there and DYOR (do your own research).