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Howdy Hodlers,

You’re reading the Hodl Report, your post-breakup recovery plan filled with market analysis, self-reflection, and just enough hopium to make it through another red candle.

This week, we’re looking at:

• Macro market mood swings 🌎

• TradFi meets crypto 🏦

• Top stories you should know 📰

• Memes to ease the financial trauma 😂

Let’s get into it - markets are wild, but at least the memes are free!

It’s over.

They’re breaking up.

And no, we’re not talking about your favorite celebrity couple (though honestly, same energy).

The entire crypto world is fixated on this ego-fueled spat between two internet titans, and it’s giving serious Jerry Springer vibes. If the goal was to distract us from actual market-moving headlines…mission accomplished.

But while they duke it out, traders were gifted a juicy dip to scoop up their favorite tokens, because, as always, the bounce came fast.

And what did degenerate crypto traders choose to buy?

Yep… Fartcoin. 💨

Because of course they did. 🚀

Meanwhile, Trump’s not letting petty drama slow him down. The man’s got range - calling out Fed Chair Powell over interest rates again this week while simultaneously juggling tariffs, Elon damage control and campaign trail chaos.

Across the pond, the EU went ahead and did cut rates to 2%.

But the U.S.?

Markets are saying “nope” for June.

While we twiddle our thumbs waiting for rate cuts and fresh liquidity to hit the system (and pump our bags), the corporations aren’t waiting - they’re stacking.

MicroStrategy is back at it, scooping up another $75 million in Bitcoin. Sure, it’s smaller than their usual buys, but don’t worry - they also expanded their war chest and now have the green light to raise up to $1 billion more for future Bitcoin purchases.

Meanwhile, a new player joined the Bitcoin treasury club this week, with a twist.

Instead of just buying BTC, they’re converting their gold mining revenue into Bitcoin. ⛏️

That’s right - literally trading gold for digital gold. 🟠

And over in TradFi land, pigs are flying: JP Morgan, led by Bitcoin's long-time hater Jamie Dimon, just announced they'll start accepting Bitcoin as collateral for loans.

How the haters have turned.

But if you live in California, just remember not to leave your crypto on an exchange for too long as it can now be turned over to the state.

Also worth a mention - Circle, the issuer of the USDC stablecoin, just went public and crushed its debut.

Shares closed significantly above the listing price, giving TradFi investors a new way to ride the stablecoin wave without needing to HODL through wild Bitcoin or ETH swings.

So what does this all mean?

TradFi and crypto are merging closer than ever, drama or not.

Let’s take a deeper look. 👇

TradFi’s Going Full Crypto

Stablecoins entering TradFi through Circle’s IPO wasn’t just a milestone - it was a signal. A bat signal, if you will, for TradFi money to start crawling deeper into the crypto cave.

And they have.

While most headlines scream about ETF inflows (yes, BlackRock has hoovered up 61,000 BTC YTD), there’s a whole lineup of TradFi products now giving investors different flavors of Bitcoin exposure - each with their own spice level. 🌶️

Let’s break down the TradFi-ified menu:

$MSTR – The OG Buffet 🍽️
This is Strategy’s common stock, aka the OG way to ride Bitcoin via TradFi. You get direct exposure to Bitcoin via their balance sheet. It trades at a premium to NAV because BTC-per-share keeps rising.

👤 Best for: Long-term Bitcoin bulls who don’t flinch at volatility

$STRK & $STRF – The Income Pairing 🥂
Prefer something with a payout? These are preferred shares in Strategy.

• $STRK: 8% yield plus the option to convert into $MSTR

• $STRF: 10% fixed yield, no conversion option

👤 Best for: Income investors who still want a whiff of Bitcoin exposure without going full degen

$MSTU & $MSTX – The Turbo Buttons ⚡
Want to go 2× on Strategy’s price action? Meet your new friends. These leveraged ETFs are built for traders with guts and short-term timeframes.

👤 Best for: Degens with a day-trading addiction

$MSTY – Yield Me Up, Scotty %
This one writes covered calls on $MSTR to pay you monthly income. You cap your upside but collect consistent cash.

👤 Best for: Yield chasers in a sideways market

$BMAX – Bonds, BTC Bonds 💵
This one invests in convertible debt issued by companies like Strategy. It's a hybrid of Bitcoin exposure and corporate credit.

👤 Best for: Boring bond guys who secretly love crypto

All in all, Bitcoin exposure has officially gone full TradFi because now:

• It’s wrapped

• It’s leveraged

• It’s income-yielding

• It’s bond-backed

• And it’s everywhere

The end game?

All roads still lead back to Bitcoin.

But now, there’s a vehicle for every TradFi taste.

1.  Circle Debuts on NYSE at $31 Per Share, Valued at $6.2B: Circle, the issuer of USDC, has gone public on the New York Stock Exchange at $31 per share, giving it a valuation of $6.2 billion. The IPO marks a major milestone in stablecoin adoption and public market acceptance.

2. Metaplanet Raises $5.4B to Join the Bitcoin “1% Club”: Japan-based Metaplanet has raised $5.4 billion to accelerate its Bitcoin accumulation strategy. The firm aims to hold 1% of all circulating BTC, joining the elite group of mega-hodlers.

3. Uber Exploring Stablecoins for Payments, Says CEO: Uber CEO Dara Khosrowshahi revealed the company is evaluating stablecoins for use in payments and driver payouts. The move would mark a massive leap toward mainstream crypto adoption.

4. Solo Bitcoin Miner Wins $330K Block Reward: A solo Bitcoin miner beat the odds to earn a $330,000 block reward after renting hash power via CKPool. The lucky break is a reminder that even solo players can win in mining.

5. Truth Social Files for Bitcoin ETF in Crypto Expansion: Trump Media’s Truth Social has filed for a Bitcoin ETF, continuing its aggressive push into crypto. The filing adds to the company’s broader strategy of embracing digital asset innovation.

6. Pump.fun Plans $1B Token Sale: Pump.fun, the memecoin generator dominating Solana, is reportedly aiming to raise $1 billion through a token sale. The platform lets users launch viral tokens with zero coding knowledge.

7. UK FCA to Lift Ban on Crypto ETNs for Retail Investors: The UK’s Financial Conduct Authority plans to lift its ban on crypto ETNs for retail investors. The shift could reignite demand for regulated crypto exposure in the UK market.

8. Singapore Orders Crypto Firms to Halt Overseas Operations: Singapore has issued a directive requiring crypto firms to cease overseas operations by June. Regulators say the move is aimed at tightening compliance and reducing systemic risk.

Big thanks for making it to the end of this week’s Hodl Report! 👊

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Happy Friday!

Disclaimer: The content from Hodl Report should not be taken as trading, investment or financial advice or solicitation to buy or sell any assets. This newsletter is for informational and educational purposes only. Please be careful out there and DYOR (do your own research)