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Happy Holidays Hodlers!

Well… so much for the Santa rally everyone still left in crypto was praying for. 🎅💀

Is it technically impossible? No.

Is the vibe screaming “face-melting holiday pump”? Also no.

Sentiment’s in the gutter, markets are full risk-off, and liquidity is thinner than your uncle’s eggnog patience. A last-minute Santa squeeze isn’t looking likely.

So here’s our professional trading advice:

👉 Go touch grass.

Enjoy the holidays. Eat too much. Laugh with family. Log off the charts.

That’s exactly what we’re doing.

We’ll see you in the new year - yes, a full two-week break from our aggressively optimistic hopium. You’re welcome. 😌

Until then… let’s cover a few things 👇

Well, we lived. Again.

This week’s existential threat to crypto?

A trip back to the low $80Ks, courtesy of the Bank of Japan rate hike and fears of a carry-trade unwind.

Different headline. Same result.

Price down. Vibes wrecked.

At this point it almost doesn’t matter why it dumped because… the market still isn’t where any of us want it to be.

Here’s the current reality:

• Good news? Ignored.

• Bad news? Immediate face-plant.

• Net result? Lose-lose.

Why?

Because we’re in full risk-off mode and liquidity is basically on vacation. There’s just not enough fresh money coming into crypto to absorb sellers.

Add to that the aftershocks from the October 10th crash, which are still rippling through the system, and yeah… recovery takes time.

We all want the bull market back. But let’s be honest - the bull run is over for now.

But this doesn’t smell like a multi-year crypto winter either. More like a few months of pain, not a full year of hibernation.

Here’s the frustrating paradox:
The best marketing campaign for Bitcoin… is Bitcoin price go up.

New ATHs bring new investors.
New investors bring liquidity.
Liquidity brings new ATHs.

Yes, it’s the classic chicken-and-egg problem. Welcome to crypto. 🐔🥚

That’s why for the past few weeks we’ve been hammering the catalysts that eventually flip the switch again. Weekly hopium is a public service after all.

If you want the full thesis and list of catalysts, it’s here.

And while price action is acting like a depressed raccoon, adoption news continues ripping. In any other bull market, this stuff would be printing absurd green candles just off the rumor of an announcement about a future announcement.

If you understand that sentence, congrats - you’re a crypto OG.

Coinbase Just Went God Mode

This week Coinbase casually reminded everyone why they’re building the future while price chops sideways. Highlights include:

• 📈 Stock trading (hundreds of stocks & ETFs)

• ⚡ Perps trading on crypto and stocks

• 🎯 Prediction markets via Kalshi

• 🟣 Native Solana onchain trading via Jupiter

• 🪙 Custom stablecoin issuance

• 🤖 AI-powered financial assistant

Translation:
Coinbase is becoming an all-in-one global trading super-app… crypto, stocks, derivatives, prediction markets, all running on stablecoin rails.

Well, that’s it for us this year.

Go enjoy the holidays.
Touch grass.
Hang out IRL in meat space with your fellow meat bodies. 🥩

We’ll see you in the new year.
Hopefully with better charts.

Definitely with more hopium. 🚀

1. Asia Stocks Rally as Japan Hikes Rates: Asian equity markets climbed following U.S. gains, boosted by Japan’s central bank raising its policy rate to the highest in 30 years. The broader MSCI Asia-Pacific index gained ground as traders parsed inflation data and central bank outlooks across regions.

2. Former Pump.fun Developer Gets Six Years for Fraud: A London court sentenced ex-Pump.fun developer Jarett Dunn to concurrent six-year terms after he pleaded guilty to fraud and criminal property transfer for siphoning ~$2 million in Solana from his employer. The conviction underscores regulatory and enforcement focus on insider crypto misconduct.

3. Coinbase & MEXC Exchange Adds ‘Lighter (LIGHTER)’ to Listing Roadmap: Crypto exchange MEXC has updated its public asset listing roadmap to include the emerging token Lighter (LIGHTER), signalling potential platform support pending liquidity and technical integration. The move reflects MEXC’s ongoing efforts to broaden its tradable asset roster and market appeal.

4. JPMorgan Deepens Crypto Commitment with Tokenized Money Fund: JPMorgan has advanced its digital-asset strategy by launching a tokenized version of its money market fund on blockchain rails, aimed at offering institutional clients enhanced liquidity and settlement efficiency. The initiative marks a significant institutional step toward mainstream crypto adoption.

Big thanks for making it to the end of this week’s Hodl Report! 👊

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The more, the merrier - because who doesn’t love a bigger party? 🥳

Happy Friday!

Disclaimer: The content from Hodl Report should not be taken as trading, investment or financial advice or solicitation to buy or sell any assets. This newsletter is for informational and educational purposes only. Please be careful out there and DYOR (do your own research)